Hibernation Awakened! (it rhymes, ok!)

zzzz......
(smack).............
knife............
facelift.........
stab............
wound.........
burn alive......

kill...........

ritual dance.......

ice cream.....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

yawn...........

Mitzy has awakened from her spring hibernation! I'm now back on, and if there has been anything I missed, it will be answered now. Now here is a picture that came up on my "Zemanta Assistant" Media Gallery.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

The Pen is Dead

What happens if you put a pen into a really high powered pencil sharpener that's electric

Dave guy in Goron

Dear Dave guy,

I haven't tried it, but (i think) it will blow up! Yay! Blowing up stuff is fun!

-Mitzy

Zephyrs???

How many roads must a man walk down before we can call him a man?


Dear Anonymous,
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.
-Mitzy

I Hate This Squirrel.

The evil squirrel in NYC is back, and he likes tie-dye. Again, if anyone sees a squirrel with a bazooka in a tie-dye t-shirt contact the authorities immediately.

If it helps here is his mugshot. (sans bazooka and tie-dye apparel)

-Mitzy

Friendly Wolves!

I'm cold and there are wolves after me


Dear Cold,
The best thing to do would be to try to make friends with them. try shaking their paw and see their reaction. If that doesn't work out, you are too late.
-Mitzy

"Vacationing"

Sorry! I'm back. I was a convicted felon on the run... wait ehhh I mean I was vacationing in Hawaii. Anyway, I'm back!

I'm Just a Bit Short...

Dear Mitzy I know you did that action with that object to that person. I know the reason you did it, so give me $5009.87 or else I will tell the law enforcement.


Dear anonymous,
I know what you're talking about... very specific. I would give you the money but I only have saved up $5009.86 for this type of occasion. Sorry!
-Mitzy

Gummy Bears at the right price = :D

What is the secret to enternal happiness, joy, and gummy bears?

Woo hoo

Dear Woo hoo,

I think the secret is to find a store with low gummy bear prices!

- Mitzy

I Shoot You

High, higher than the sun


You shoot me from a gun

I need you to elevate me here

At the corner of your lips

As the orbit of your hips

Eclipse

You elevate my soul



I've got no self control

Been living like a mole now

Going down, excavation

I lie in the sky

You make me feel like I can fly

So high

El-Elevation



A star

Lit up like a cigar

Strung out like a guitar

Maybe you can educate my mind



Explain all these controls

Can't sing but I've got soul

The goal is elevation



A mole

Digging in a hole

Digging up my soul now

Going down, excavation



I and I in the sky

You make me feel like I can fly

So high

Elevation



Love

Lift me up from out of these blues

Won't you tell me something true

I believe in you



A mole

Diggin' in a hole

Diggin' up my soul now

Going down, excavation



I lie in the sky

You make me feel like I can fly

So high

El-Elevation



Elevation

Elevation

Elevation

Dear  Elevation,
I have no clue what you just said. The only sentence I recognized was You shoot me from a gun I like guns.
-Mitzy


Elevaaation

Alcoholic with um... "money"

Dear Mitzy,
Ive heard that you are the best advice columnist around! So I have a slight problem, my mom wants me to get a job! She says I need to get out of her basement and that I am a 35 year old grown man. I think she s a $%&#@! and she is fat too. Oops sorry Mommy!

I need help You see the doctor says I am an alcoholic with anger issues (not a good combo) But that is just about it! the rest is pure video gamer! The real question is... Will you, Mitzy marry me I know this is sudden but my mommy said she would buy a mansion for us! and a pig And i will inherit $1,000,000,000,000. So, what do you say?! Also how do i get rid of my mah teacher,all the teachers, goldfish, the world, yet save my feance, you


Joshie
 
Dear Joshie,
Sorry, no. I will not marry you. Just a short question, why are you living in her basement if you will inherit a mansion and $1,000,000,000,000 (that's a BIG number)?  And no. I will not save you feance, which I'm guessing is a mix between a fence and a cat. Try working at a courthouse. They love alchoholics with "money" there.

- Mitzy

You've got a BIG problem...

Mitzy,
You have to help me!!! My mom keeps spraying me with acid! I don't have a face, but I'm lucky to still have hands. And all I did was eat pudding. Help.
- Faceless in Fort Worth

Dear Faceless,
Who cares? Not me! I think it would be pretty cool not having a face. Look on the bright side... oh, wait. You can't. How do I solve problems like this? Talk to your school counseler.
- Mitzy

Flamethrowers and Fish

I'm a failure at math my teacher hates me and well has givin me detention multible times. People say she hates my guts and to make it better she is my homeroom teacher and is threatining to hold me back! I read your colom everyday and would love to meet you! How can I get my teacher back? Your the best and I need your help!!!


Tim... A fish

Dear Tim...A fish,
You can go the easy way with simple pranks for example, sticking a thumb tack in her chair, or you can do it the Mitzy way. The Mitzy way is to get a hold of a flamethrower and a machete. I think you will know what to do after that. That is how I got rid of my 8th Grade math teacher.
Lots of Luck,
Mitzy

Pwom Questions

Dear Mitzy,
I werz wonwing if u wouuldd gggo tu da pwom withh me?!)$&#% givee mee some crackk! Ow $&*% I brung u giftt uv mary juana!!!
-- pweeze, Guam


Dear pweeze,
First of all, I'm in my 40's so, no. Second of all, what is mary juana? Also, no I won't give you crack or go to the pwom with you, whatever that is.
-Mitzy

"In" Crowd

Mitzy,
I have a problem. I want to be part of the "in" crowd  at my high school. But, all of them smoke pot and steal from their parents liquor cabinets. What can I do to be popular? Please help.
-Wanting to be the It Girl, South Carolina

Dear Wanting to be the It Girl,
If you really want to be popular you have to ditch your old friends who are not cool and hang out with the "in" crowd. To fit in you should definitely smoke pot and steal from your parents liqour cabinet.
- Mitzy