From What is Wrong With You

Image by Family Oon via Flickr

Hi guys! A yound reader submitted me this story. Read and enjoy!








Once there was a stupid little dedicated spider. He decided to build a web.

A donkey came along. 

"Come, spider," he said. "Let's go frolicking." 

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

A hippopotamus came along.

"Come, spider," he said. "Let's go take some meth."

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

A fish came along.

"Come, spider," said the fish. "Let's go skydiving."

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

The fish, donkey, and hippopotamus felt like the stupid little spider was taking advantage of them.

So they devised a plan.

Finally, the stupid little spider finished his web. It was crummy and tiny and insects didn't get caught in it.

The stupid little spider said, "Oh well, I suppose I was wrong to take advantage of my friends. I'll go apologize."

The fish, hippopotamus, and donkey were waiting for him with flamethowers.

Then the stupid little spider got torched.

Then they torched his stupid little crummy dumb stupid spider house and all of his stupid little crummy dumb stupid personal belongings, and the police station just for good measure.

Let that be a lesson to you kids: don't trust fish.

The End

Look out next week for Chapter Two: The Stupid Little Spider's Revenge From Beyond the Grave!

Mitzy is Vacationing.

Mitzy will spend the next week on something frozen in Mongolia. There will be wifi, so still send questions!

- The Mitzy Manager

no comment.

I'm spazzzzzzzziiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg!!!!!!!

Hhhhhhheeeeeellllllpppppp me.

I also have the same question about bubbles.

-waiting in willowville





Dear waiting,
whats with the bubbles?
-mitzy

You Want Feedbacks?

Hi there blogger!

Just visited your "MitzyCares" blog and I was super impressed by its design and content. We started our site Lookville.com not too long ago. It's a place for people to have discussions, share tips, and ask questions about fashion. It's been going great so far and I would love to have you on it! check it out if you're interested:

And we would love to hear your feedbacks.

Ciao!
- Miranda B.

Dear Miranda B.,

I'm glad you're "super impressed" with my blog, but I really don't care about lookville.com. By the way, you will not be hearing my "feedbacks" anytime soon.

-Mitzy

PS- you're email was in my junk inbox

More Than I Can Count...

How many different people have written to you, thousnds, hundreds, 5?  

Name not shown

Dear Name not shown,

ehhh... a lot?
-Mitzy

So Many Questions...

Oh no! I have influenza type B and strep throat. Also, I have a question about bubbles.

Anitionalkidrahems in  London, the country that london  is in

Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry about your influenza type B and strep throat. There is no question about bubbles here. I don't know whatever a anitio... oh whatever, is. What about London?

So, from that I got that you were sick, you are curious about bubbles. Also, I looked up Anitionalkidrahems and there are no Google matches, not one. And you are in England.

-Mitzy

I Had To Look This One Up...

How many milliseconds are in an hour?'


Dear Anonymous,
There are 3.6 million milliseconds in an hour. (according to google calculators)
-Mitzy

I Once Had A Slave...

What should I do if there is some over-sized pothead that hangs out in front off  my locker every 6th period right before Algebra when I need my books the most

Scared in new hampshire

Dear Scared,

Well what shouldn't you do? Potheads can be fun to mess around with. Next time, ask him to bring you you're books and be your own, personal slave. Good luck!

-Mitzy

Blah, Blah, Blah.

I have a worm. He is green. he has an eye. It is yellow. He has 4 hairs. He has commented on Melanie doesn't care. He says eeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeee  eee e eee   eee e  e eee  eseee ee e e e e h  e ee e e. He Bounces.


Dear Anonymous,
I don't care.
-Mitzy

Sticks are Fun!

Dear Mitzy,

Your counter-part melanie is repeatedly ignoring my annoying comments about my worm. what should I do? 

Dear Anonymous, 
Poke her with a stick.

Spanish is Old. Seychellois Creole is the New Fad!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the spanish alphabet has changed    

nyay  waco, TX

Dear nyay,

What is the point of knowing spanish? I find knowing Seychellois Creole (look it up.) more useful to know.
-Mitzy

I Like Dogs.

Wazzup M

Wares yo fav spot to chillax? 





Dear Anonymous,
Chihuahua, Mexico. The dog is cool and I get cheap drugs... and some illegal weapons. :)

Goldfish Ice Cream?

My cat eats my goldfish crackers and puts out a fowl odor. What should I do? Should i feed him real goldfish?
-Anonymous


Dear Anonymous, 
Since the cat is producing odors, maybe you should  take him to go get ice cream. Yeah, I don't know why. It's just right now I'm craving ice cream. So bring me some too!!!
-Mitzy

Demon Squirrels

Dear Mitzy,
I'm stuck in my room for being grounded. Apparently, smoking pot and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels is bad for a 12 yr old. How can I get revenge on my parents?
-Darla

Dear Darla,
Got any grenades on you? If not, try finding your inner demon squirrel. It always works.
-Mitzy

Demon Squirrel

Apparently Coke=Coca Cola, Not Coke=Cocaine

Dear Mitzy,

Did you know that Coke® strives to refresh the world? They also work by the values of leadership, monopolization, and rationalization. As well as that, they are part of a large scale recycling project. Also, Dr Pepper® sucks. To learn more about Coke® and other products of the Coca-Cola Company®, go to http://www.coke.com/ (ask your parent's permission before going online!).

Dave U., someplace

   

Dear Dave,

I thought you were on to something there, Then I realized you were talking about the beverage, Coca-Cola, not cocaine. Oh well.

Why?

dear Mitzy

             

               I am angry that you haven't responded to any of my questions, some of which involve curse words and?or blasfemy. Why?

Dear Why?,

MitzyCares doesn't like to use bad language.

@#$$ %$#$ #$##$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Mitzy

Flamethrowers and Fish

I'm a failure at math my teacher hates me and well has givin me detention multible times. People say she hates my guts and to make it better she is my homeroom teacher and is threatining to hold me back! I read your colom everyday and would love to meet you! How can I get my teacher back? Your the best and I need your help!!!


Tim... A fish

Dear Tim...A fish,
You can go the easy way with simple pranks for example, sticking a thumb tack in her chair, or you can do it the Mitzy way. The Mitzy way is to get a hold of a flamethrower and a machete. I think you will know what to do after that. That is how I got rid of my 8th Grade math teacher.
Lots of Luck,
Mitzy

Straight A Kid

My son has been acting up lately. I tried smacking him with my belt and making him stare at History Channel 24/7 without blinking. But, he is still getting straight A's on his report card! How should I disipline him?
- McKenzie The Mom in Montana

Dear McKenzie the Mom,
Disown him. Let him live in a trailor park in North Dakota! He will be much better off there, and out of your life forever. Usually I don't say this, but no more violence is neccessary.
- Mitzy the Un-Mom

Sharks and Minnows

Dear Mitzy,

I met a new friend, but she cheats at Sharks & Minnows. Is this a serious character flaw?
Marco

Dear Marco,
I don't think so. I think it's the games fault. The title should be Sharks, Minnows, and Smart People!
- Mitzy

Mitzy Cares Will Not be Dr. Bad Guy Cares Anytime Soon

Hi, I've written into your blog multiple times under several pen names and each time I've had completely satisfactory answers so I am interested in taking over, conquering if you will, mitzycares. What is the password! I know were you live and own several firearms. Please.

Dr. bad guy in ann arbor Michagin

Dear Dr. Bad Guy,
The title almost says it all. For the password try.. Oh, No! I'm out of time. Sorry I couldn't get that password for you!
- Mitzy