From What is Wrong With You

Image by Family Oon via Flickr

Hi guys! A yound reader submitted me this story. Read and enjoy!








Once there was a stupid little dedicated spider. He decided to build a web.

A donkey came along. 

"Come, spider," he said. "Let's go frolicking." 

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

A hippopotamus came along.

"Come, spider," he said. "Let's go take some meth."

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

A fish came along.

"Come, spider," said the fish. "Let's go skydiving."

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

The fish, donkey, and hippopotamus felt like the stupid little spider was taking advantage of them.

So they devised a plan.

Finally, the stupid little spider finished his web. It was crummy and tiny and insects didn't get caught in it.

The stupid little spider said, "Oh well, I suppose I was wrong to take advantage of my friends. I'll go apologize."

The fish, hippopotamus, and donkey were waiting for him with flamethowers.

Then the stupid little spider got torched.

Then they torched his stupid little crummy dumb stupid spider house and all of his stupid little crummy dumb stupid personal belongings, and the police station just for good measure.

Let that be a lesson to you kids: don't trust fish.

The End

Look out next week for Chapter Two: The Stupid Little Spider's Revenge From Beyond the Grave!

Hibernation Awakened! (it rhymes, ok!)

zzzz......
(smack).............
knife............
facelift.........
stab............
wound.........
burn alive......

kill...........

ritual dance.......

ice cream.....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

yawn...........

Mitzy has awakened from her spring hibernation! I'm now back on, and if there has been anything I missed, it will be answered now. Now here is a picture that came up on my "Zemanta Assistant" Media Gallery.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I'm Not Good With Big Words :(

Do you share my opinion that hoarding money gives one long-term unsatisfaction and depression?

Des mois guy in Des Mois, Iowa 

Dear Des Mois Guy,

ehhhh... sure.

-Mitzy

The Pen is Dead

What happens if you put a pen into a really high powered pencil sharpener that's electric

Dave guy in Goron

Dear Dave guy,

I haven't tried it, but (i think) it will blow up! Yay! Blowing up stuff is fun!

-Mitzy

Yay!!!

Mitzy has reached 100 posts! Comment on why the number 100 is awesome!!!
-Mitzy

Yay!!! There Isn't Timeo On My Hands!

I sent you a question and you answered it a few hours later. You must have a lot of free timeo n your hands.

Hal 8999 in Oregon, de Portland.

Dear Hal 8999,

Yes, I do answer questions quickly. But I don't know what timeo is, whatever it is, it's not on my hands.

-Mitzy

You Want Feedbacks?

Hi there blogger!

Just visited your "MitzyCares" blog and I was super impressed by its design and content. We started our site Lookville.com not too long ago. It's a place for people to have discussions, share tips, and ask questions about fashion. It's been going great so far and I would love to have you on it! check it out if you're interested:

And we would love to hear your feedbacks.

Ciao!
- Miranda B.

Dear Miranda B.,

I'm glad you're "super impressed" with my blog, but I really don't care about lookville.com. By the way, you will not be hearing my "feedbacks" anytime soon.

-Mitzy

PS- you're email was in my junk inbox

I Once Had A Slave...

What should I do if there is some over-sized pothead that hangs out in front off  my locker every 6th period right before Algebra when I need my books the most

Scared in new hampshire

Dear Scared,

Well what shouldn't you do? Potheads can be fun to mess around with. Next time, ask him to bring you you're books and be your own, personal slave. Good luck!

-Mitzy

Blah, Blah, Blah.

I have a worm. He is green. he has an eye. It is yellow. He has 4 hairs. He has commented on Melanie doesn't care. He says eeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeee  eee e eee   eee e  e eee  eseee ee e e e e h  e ee e e. He Bounces.


Dear Anonymous,
I don't care.
-Mitzy

My Ninjas Will Hunt You Down.

Dear Mitzy,

I have written to you many times and you haven't responded. What gives you freaking jerk?

Dear Anonymous,

I don't like being called bad names. There will be my personal army of ninjas at your front door in less than 24 hours.

Mitzy

Spanish is Old. Seychellois Creole is the New Fad!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the spanish alphabet has changed    

nyay  waco, TX

Dear nyay,

What is the point of knowing spanish? I find knowing Seychellois Creole (look it up.) more useful to know.
-Mitzy

I Like Dogs.

Wazzup M

Wares yo fav spot to chillax? 





Dear Anonymous,
Chihuahua, Mexico. The dog is cool and I get cheap drugs... and some illegal weapons. :)

Yay!!!

I have some stuff that I don't want, do you want it?

Dear ____,

Sure. Only if it includes lethal weapons!!!

Mitzy

I'm Just a Bit Short...

Dear Mitzy I know you did that action with that object to that person. I know the reason you did it, so give me $5009.87 or else I will tell the law enforcement.


Dear anonymous,
I know what you're talking about... very specific. I would give you the money but I only have saved up $5009.86 for this type of occasion. Sorry!
-Mitzy

She's is Trying to Ruin you Life!

My principle just gave me a long talk about not doing drugs. I think she's on something. What should I do?

Dear Anonymous,

Are you really going to listen to your principal? It sounds like she is trying to ruin your life, somehow. Drugs dull your senses and make you feel good. Why would you give up that? Sure, it's illegal and "harmful" for your health, but it is worth it. Don't you think?

-Mitzy

Pot!

Goldfish Ice Cream?

My cat eats my goldfish crackers and puts out a fowl odor. What should I do? Should i feed him real goldfish?
-Anonymous


Dear Anonymous, 
Since the cat is producing odors, maybe you should  take him to go get ice cream. Yeah, I don't know why. It's just right now I'm craving ice cream. So bring me some too!!!
-Mitzy

Do You Have Crazy Cat Restraining Neighbors?

Help Mitzy!!!
My cat has been stalking my neighbors. It wasn't a problem until they filed a restraining order... on my cat.
What should I do?
-Cat Crazy in CT

Dear Cat Crazy,
You might want to try sitting down and talking with your neighbor about your feelings and your cat's feelings or, you could do it the Mitzy way. The Mitzy way involves wrapping your neighbors house in toilet paper, humiliating him/her on a social networking site (Facebook, Twitter, MySpace) or on a blog. Then, you file a restraining order on THEM... (First find a good reason)
-Mitzy

Ahhh.... Help!!!!

MESSAGE TO MITZY VIEWERS
**************************************************************************

Help! The squirrel with the bazooka has taken over my blog for using his photo!!!! He is randomly changing my backgrounds and he has held me hostage! If you see a squirrel with a weapon running around Times Square, contact the authorities immediately!
-Mitzy

 +  = TROUBLE