Well thats not disturbing at all.

Guess what Mitzy, I have been stalking you so closely that I know today is your birthday. I have been secret about it too, you have absolutely no idea who I am or where I live.
Ben Stevenson in west virginia

dear ben,
i'm so honored. i think. should i be?
-mitzy

Hibernation Awakened! (it rhymes, ok!)

zzzz......
(smack).............
knife............
facelift.........
stab............
wound.........
burn alive......

kill...........

ritual dance.......

ice cream.....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

yawn...........

Mitzy has awakened from her spring hibernation! I'm now back on, and if there has been anything I missed, it will be answered now. Now here is a picture that came up on my "Zemanta Assistant" Media Gallery.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Good for you.

I don't think pens are high quality enough.


Dear Anonymous,
Ok... and you question is?

I Didn't See The Movie

I saw the  Sorcerers Apprentice a few weeks ago, and I didn't get it. Who was that Buckey kid? Why did he make things explode? Why was Buckey's blond friend fond of a song auto-tuned to an inhuman capacity. What did you you think?

Guy in Des Moine, Iowa 

Dear Guy,

I have no clue what you are talking about.

-Mitzy

The Art of Giving a Dog a Hot Dog covered in Anti-Freeze

Sorry if your questions from this week aren't answered Mitzy and her associates are going to a convention called "The Art of Giving a Dog a Hot Dog covered in Anti-Freeze" in DC. We will be back on Saturday.
-Mitzy

Yay!!!

I have some stuff that I don't want, do you want it?

Dear ____,

Sure. Only if it includes lethal weapons!!!

Mitzy

Ahhh.... Help!!!!

MESSAGE TO MITZY VIEWERS
**************************************************************************

Help! The squirrel with the bazooka has taken over my blog for using his photo!!!! He is randomly changing my backgrounds and he has held me hostage! If you see a squirrel with a weapon running around Times Square, contact the authorities immediately!
-Mitzy

 +  = TROUBLE

What Does Cheese Eat?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- Rita


Dear Rita,
Since humans say cheese while taking a picture, it  is something we eat. So, what does cheese eat? The world may never know.
-Mitzy

You Can't Bribe and Manipulate the Dead

Hello Friend,

I am Dr Abdulaiye Rahmani the bank manager unit of the foreign remittance, department BANK OF AFRICA Burkina ,I got your email address recommended du Burkina FASO business consultant and i decided to contact you for beneficiary and a 100% free business transaction. I am trusting this deal to you by faith and hope that you will handle it without any betrayed .In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US $9.5m ( Nine million five hundred thousand US dollars) In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire in 20TH of July 2002 in a accident car in Burkina Faso the Late Mr Sahid Ali Rahman, A citizen of Nationality of Kuwait and residence in Burkina Faso.

I agree with you to take 25% of this money will be for you and respect to the provision of a foreign account, 5% will be for expenses incurred during the business,70% will before us and my colleagues.

I suggest to hear from you.

Your's faithfully

Dear Dr Abdulaiye Rahmani

First of all, I found your email in my spam box. Second of all, Abdulaiye is a weird name so I am just going to call you Al. Now since we got that over with here is my answer Al. I would love to take the money, but I don't take dead people's money. It wouldn't be any fun because you couldn't bribe or manipulate them. So you are on your own.

-Mitzy

PS - That wasn't even a question.

Demon Squirrels

Dear Mitzy,
I'm stuck in my room for being grounded. Apparently, smoking pot and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels is bad for a 12 yr old. How can I get revenge on my parents?
-Darla

Dear Darla,
Got any grenades on you? If not, try finding your inner demon squirrel. It always works.
-Mitzy

Demon Squirrel

Do Llama's Really Like to Eat Gerbils?

Image by VIDYO via Flickr

What is this supposed to mean? I think it includes the symbolization of life and death, the creation of man and the fall down of us. Or maybe it simply means llama's like to eat gerbils. What do you think?

- Doris,
Perplexed in Pitsburgh

Dear Doris,
I have very deep feelings on this one too. It looks like someone is pouring water over a flower. I think it symbolizes, well nothing.

-Mitzy

Sleeping Dragons

are dragons going to kill me in the night!

THAT GUY


Dear THAT GUY,
Only if you sleep...
Mitzy

Straight A Kid

My son has been acting up lately. I tried smacking him with my belt and making him stare at History Channel 24/7 without blinking. But, he is still getting straight A's on his report card! How should I disipline him?
- McKenzie The Mom in Montana

Dear McKenzie the Mom,
Disown him. Let him live in a trailor park in North Dakota! He will be much better off there, and out of your life forever. Usually I don't say this, but no more violence is neccessary.
- Mitzy the Un-Mom

Sharks and Minnows

Dear Mitzy,

I met a new friend, but she cheats at Sharks & Minnows. Is this a serious character flaw?
Marco

Dear Marco,
I don't think so. I think it's the games fault. The title should be Sharks, Minnows, and Smart People!
- Mitzy

Happy Birthday to Me!

To Whom It May Concern,


It is my duty to inform you that you have been nominated by the National

Conglomerate of Advice Columnists, Syndicated Senior Caregivers, Gardening

Experts, and Psychics for one of our national awards! You have been nominated in

the category of Advice Columnists - Online - Niche - Below 10,000 Hits/Year -

Non-English or Other!

To accept your nomination, you must contact one of your executives to confirm

that you are a resident of the United States and do not currently face felony

charges. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Thad C. Stimbleton, Award Ceremony Commisioner

Well thank you Thad!
If this is enough, I confirm that I am a resident of the USA and I don't have a criminal record. You know, this isn't a question; I don't even care how you write with such lameness. For anybody out there that doesn't know, today it is my birthday! And no Thad, I will not contact one of my executives.
- Mitzy

Die

Dear Mitzy,

Hallo! Ich bin es, derjenige, der Beiträge in deutscher Sprache! Die WM war ein Fehlschlag, aber es war nicht schrecklich. Sie alle werden vor dem Zorn des Paulus die Octopus sterben!Ich liebe es, in einem Octupus 'Garden singen! Im Schatten!
Anyway, ich kann einige knacken?
Love,
Der große Führer der deutsch-österreichischen halbautonomen Region


Dear, Der große Führer der deutsch-österreichischen halbautonomen Region,
Singen in the schatten! Singen in the schatten! Die Paulus! Die! I also have a knack for engines! As you can tell, I know German!
- Mitzy

Corn Flakes

I am obssessed with corn flakes! last night I put them in a glass and drank them! Please help


Dear _____,
Good for you. Just stop buying them.
- Mitzy

Prison Breakout!!!

dear  Mitzy

 i am in jail for doing drugs. my prison cell is very poorly built, and after a rainstorm, a huge hole appeared in it. this poses a question, should i stay in, or escape and let "the man" hunt me down.

sad prisoner in washington D.C.

Dear Sad Prisoner,

What are you waiting for? Jump out of that hole and grab the nearest gun! Shoot down everyone in your way even your buddy, Turdet. If you want the world to see your success, turn a recording of it to the police by hand. They will understand...

- Mitzy

Obsessed

I am really obsessed about this girl in my school! I want to spend every second with her, I even followed her home from school and sat outside her bedroom window until 3 am! What should I do Mitzy?
- Stalking my Love

Hello Stalking my Love! Here is what you should do. Confess to her that you have been stalking her and she will see your love for her and everything will be allright!
-Mitzy

Stalking Girlfriend!

What should I do if my girlfriend is stalking me?
That Guy

Dear That Guy,
If your girlfriend is stalking you, you should make yourself so unattractive and anyway likeable to keep her away! (If stalking is at an unhealthy level pickle juice is neccessary.) You may lose a few friends but it is all worth it!

Mitzy