Drugged Out

Dear Mitzy,
there this thing I, uhhh. Hey, that is good drink and... What!!

I don't, REPUBLICANS, HOW DARE YOU!. Yeah so whaaa, ummm. uhhh uhhhm uuuhhhm worm? undes caredos tractor. Bob have mehugala. Yeah so MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ummmm hmmmmm.
From,
Drugged Out in Denver
P.S. I gott to tell you somthin that guy, he UUUUHHHHHH!

Dear Drugged out in Denver,
I think you should get a cow. You get milk, beef, and money!
- Mitzy

Toes

Dear Mitzy,

Summer is here and that means it's time for sandals! What color should I paint my sweet little toes????
Don't Want to be Tacky Toes in Texas!

Dear Don't Want to be Tacky Toes in Texas,
I would suggest finding a good designer to paint you smoking pot on you biggest toes. They others should all have beer bottles. (including your fingers!)
- Mitzy

Anger Issues

Dear mitzy:
I HATE YOUR #$@%

I can't believe that your $%^# mitzy website is more popular than mine. My question is this, how should I kill you, you %$#@ $%#@!#$!

The guy with anger problems, NYC

Dear The Guy with anger problems,
I suggets that you don't kill me, but here is how you would do it. First locate me by asking me politely.
then show up at my house and start to burn my house down. Hopefully I will be in there.
- Mitzy

Bunnies and Pistols

Dear Mitzy,

I have had a recent breakup with my boyfriend, he broke up with me because he knew I was going to breakup with him. So he lied to my friends and said he didn't know me!!! How can I get REVENGE?!
- Boyfriendless

Dear Boyfriendless,
Well the best way to do it is to publically humiliate him by forcing him into a bunny costume before you shoot him down. Wear a mask of course!
Mitzy

Fashion Update

I am giving an important presentation today at Harvard Law School. Should I wear a tie? What about a suit? Pants? I need fashion advice!
- Confused in Cambridge

Dear Confused in Cambridge,
Of course you should wear a tie, bow ties look the best with the houseshoes (neon rather than pastels). Along with that, swim trunks look nice. Floral Hawaiian patterns look the best. No suit, it completely clashes with the  houseshoes.
- Mitzy

"In" Crowd

Mitzy,
I have a problem. I want to be part of the "in" crowd  at my high school. But, all of them smoke pot and steal from their parents liquor cabinets. What can I do to be popular? Please help.
-Wanting to be the It Girl, South Carolina

Dear Wanting to be the It Girl,
If you really want to be popular you have to ditch your old friends who are not cool and hang out with the "in" crowd. To fit in you should definitely smoke pot and steal from your parents liqour cabinet.
- Mitzy

Math

Dear Mitzy,
Quick, what's seven times six? I told my teacher that I was getting a drink of water, and snuck into the media room. I'm supposed to do it on the board, and I've got a C- average in math! Help!
-Bad Student, Des Moines, Iowa

I'm sorry! I think you should get a new cat. He or she should be quite old, maybe 16 or 17 so they will die quickly.
- Mitzy

Cat Troubles

Dear Mitzy,
I have a problem. My cat recently ran away from home, and I am heartbroken. She was named Mrs. Fluffypaws, and was 14 years, 33 days old. I have posted signs all around the neighborhood, but they are of no use. I fear that I am sinking into deep depression. Please help!
From,
-Cat Lover, Portland, Maine

I think you should storm into that classroom and tell your teacher you are too good for school!
- Mitzy

Obsessed

I am really obsessed about this girl in my school! I want to spend every second with her, I even followed her home from school and sat outside her bedroom window until 3 am! What should I do Mitzy?
- Stalking my Love

Hello Stalking my Love! Here is what you should do. Confess to her that you have been stalking her and she will see your love for her and everything will be allright!
-Mitzy

Stalking Girlfriend!

What should I do if my girlfriend is stalking me?
That Guy

Dear That Guy,
If your girlfriend is stalking you, you should make yourself so unattractive and anyway likeable to keep her away! (If stalking is at an unhealthy level pickle juice is neccessary.) You may lose a few friends but it is all worth it!

Mitzy