Fun, Fun, Fun!

Musty-

I am having problems with my cats. They break into the catnip. They insist on having birthday parties. They gang up on me, which is hard because there are between four and eight cats in here. What should I do?"
-Todd California
Posted on Guestbooker

Dear Todd,
Let them do it! It will provide a fun game for them and you don't have to buy any other kitty-drug infested toys!
Mitzy

Bored

Dear Mitzy,
My problem is that I'm so bored that I am writing you an email just to kill some time. What should I do?
-Bored Guy in Springfield, Indiana

Dear Bored Guy,
Throw some rotten eggs at your neighbors' cars. Its fun!
Mitzy

The Office

Help Mitzy! I am stuck in an office with lunatics! They actually work instead of running aroung in circles with a brick. What should I do?
- Normal in the Office, NYC

Dear Normal in the Office,
I think what you are referring to is brick roulette. It is very fun, I must say. There are many games you can play with a brick, like brick tag and duck, duck, BRICK! I think you should keep it up, and maybe you can teach your coworkers to be a little more normal.
-Mitzy

Muzzy: An Object of Terror

HELP! My spanish teacher showed my son Muzzy, and he is emotionally scarred for life! All day he stays locked up in his room, with no lights on and the shades closed. Whenever the cat enters, he yells "stop gambling, stop it!" and hits it over the head with a stick. Whenever he sees anything the shape of a bear, he smashes the glass and jumps out of our 20th story apartment. This has happened several times. How can I stop from going bankrupt!


Mother in New York, New York

Dear Mother,
Let your kid sit in a pitch black room with the cat and a lot of windows. Do this until he can overcome his fears of Muzzy. He might also like for you to buy him Muzzy videos. If the cat is unappreciative of this new attention, fly him to Las Vegas. If your kid does not react well, let him jump through the window, and don't fix it. He will get tired of it or die eventually.
Mitzy