I Prefer the Unfrozen Ones

> Dear Mitzy
> HELP! My parents moved my siblings and I to a frozen wasteland! How can I force/convince them to move back? HELP!

Dear ____,
Tell them how much better the unfrozen wasteland is! They will be sure to move!
-Mitzy

What Does Cheese Eat?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
- Rita


Dear Rita,
Since humans say cheese while taking a picture, it  is something we eat. So, what does cheese eat? The world may never know.
-Mitzy

You Can't Bribe and Manipulate the Dead

Hello Friend,

I am Dr Abdulaiye Rahmani the bank manager unit of the foreign remittance, department BANK OF AFRICA Burkina ,I got your email address recommended du Burkina FASO business consultant and i decided to contact you for beneficiary and a 100% free business transaction. I am trusting this deal to you by faith and hope that you will handle it without any betrayed .In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US $9.5m ( Nine million five hundred thousand US dollars) In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire in 20TH of July 2002 in a accident car in Burkina Faso the Late Mr Sahid Ali Rahman, A citizen of Nationality of Kuwait and residence in Burkina Faso.

I agree with you to take 25% of this money will be for you and respect to the provision of a foreign account, 5% will be for expenses incurred during the business,70% will before us and my colleagues.

I suggest to hear from you.

Your's faithfully

Dear Dr Abdulaiye Rahmani

First of all, I found your email in my spam box. Second of all, Abdulaiye is a weird name so I am just going to call you Al. Now since we got that over with here is my answer Al. I would love to take the money, but I don't take dead people's money. It wouldn't be any fun because you couldn't bribe or manipulate them. So you are on your own.

-Mitzy

PS - That wasn't even a question.

Demon Squirrels

Dear Mitzy,
I'm stuck in my room for being grounded. Apparently, smoking pot and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels is bad for a 12 yr old. How can I get revenge on my parents?
-Darla

Dear Darla,
Got any grenades on you? If not, try finding your inner demon squirrel. It always works.
-Mitzy

Demon Squirrel

Clueless

Greetings Mitzy!
My son has been smoking pot and he won't share any of his with me. Any ideas?
- Billie Jo, Mississippi
PS- My son is 43

Dear Billie Jo,
What I think you should do is force him to go to work (If he doesn't have a job, which I am guessing, find little chores for him to do like butchering the grass). While he is working you can invade his stash of pot and run to Mexico!
-Mitzy

You Probably Won't Even Read This...

Dear Mitzy,

Do you think this computer fad that is going on will last? I don’t think so and am looking for a nice typewriter and some carbon copy paper to stock up on before everyone else does. I welcome your thoughts.

Proud to Ignore Passing Fads

Bell Buckle, TN

Dear Bell Buckle(?),

I hope not. Typewriters don't have Safari (Internet) or email. That means I would lose my life's work! But, if you really want to thats fine with me. If you still have your computer look at this link. Maybe yo could move there.

• Typewriter fans bring out their old machines for a Type-In (philly.com)

Apparently Coke=Coca Cola, Not Coke=Cocaine

Dear Mitzy,

Did you know that Coke® strives to refresh the world? They also work by the values of leadership, monopolization, and rationalization. As well as that, they are part of a large scale recycling project. Also, Dr Pepper® sucks. To learn more about Coke® and other products of the Coca-Cola Company®, go to http://www.coke.com/ (ask your parent's permission before going online!).

Dave U., someplace

   

Dear Dave,

I thought you were on to something there, Then I realized you were talking about the beverage, Coca-Cola, not cocaine. Oh well.

Gummy Bears at the right price = :D

What is the secret to enternal happiness, joy, and gummy bears?

Woo hoo

Dear Woo hoo,

I think the secret is to find a store with low gummy bear prices!

- Mitzy

Do Llama's Really Like to Eat Gerbils?

Image by VIDYO via Flickr

What is this supposed to mean? I think it includes the symbolization of life and death, the creation of man and the fall down of us. Or maybe it simply means llama's like to eat gerbils. What do you think?

- Doris,
Perplexed in Pitsburgh

Dear Doris,
I have very deep feelings on this one too. It looks like someone is pouring water over a flower. I think it symbolizes, well nothing.

-Mitzy

I Shoot You

High, higher than the sun


You shoot me from a gun

I need you to elevate me here

At the corner of your lips

As the orbit of your hips

Eclipse

You elevate my soul



I've got no self control

Been living like a mole now

Going down, excavation

I lie in the sky

You make me feel like I can fly

So high

El-Elevation



A star

Lit up like a cigar

Strung out like a guitar

Maybe you can educate my mind



Explain all these controls

Can't sing but I've got soul

The goal is elevation



A mole

Digging in a hole

Digging up my soul now

Going down, excavation



I and I in the sky

You make me feel like I can fly

So high

Elevation



Love

Lift me up from out of these blues

Won't you tell me something true

I believe in you



A mole

Diggin' in a hole

Diggin' up my soul now

Going down, excavation



I lie in the sky

You make me feel like I can fly

So high

El-Elevation



Elevation

Elevation

Elevation

Dear  Elevation,
I have no clue what you just said. The only sentence I recognized was You shoot me from a gun I like guns.
-Mitzy


Elevaaation