Well thats not disturbing at all.

Guess what Mitzy, I have been stalking you so closely that I know today is your birthday. I have been secret about it too, you have absolutely no idea who I am or where I live.
Ben Stevenson in west virginia

dear ben,
i'm so honored. i think. should i be?
-mitzy

From What is Wrong With You

Image by Family Oon via Flickr

Hi guys! A yound reader submitted me this story. Read and enjoy!








Once there was a stupid little dedicated spider. He decided to build a web.

A donkey came along. 

"Come, spider," he said. "Let's go frolicking." 

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

A hippopotamus came along.

"Come, spider," he said. "Let's go take some meth."

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

A fish came along.

"Come, spider," said the fish. "Let's go skydiving."

"No," said the stupid little spider. "I'm working on my web."

The fish, donkey, and hippopotamus felt like the stupid little spider was taking advantage of them.

So they devised a plan.

Finally, the stupid little spider finished his web. It was crummy and tiny and insects didn't get caught in it.

The stupid little spider said, "Oh well, I suppose I was wrong to take advantage of my friends. I'll go apologize."

The fish, hippopotamus, and donkey were waiting for him with flamethowers.

Then the stupid little spider got torched.

Then they torched his stupid little crummy dumb stupid spider house and all of his stupid little crummy dumb stupid personal belongings, and the police station just for good measure.

Let that be a lesson to you kids: don't trust fish.

The End

Look out next week for Chapter Two: The Stupid Little Spider's Revenge From Beyond the Grave!

Mitzy is Vacationing.

Mitzy will spend the next week on something frozen in Mongolia. There will be wifi, so still send questions!

- The Mitzy Manager

Congrats!

I have decided to use your blog as free advertising for my blog. The URL is http://name-not-shown.blogspot.com/

How are you still alive?

Image by kevindooley via Flickr

Dear mitzy,
I think the Easter bunny is out to kill me. He put toxic chemicals in my basket. And he also put egg shaped nukes in my yard (which are about to simutaniously blow) how can I make sure Santa doesn't do this? (remember I still want to make the "nice" list)

- Blow-up in Belmead




Dear Blow-up,
Blow *him* up first
-mitzy 

no comment.

I'm spazzzzzzzziiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg!!!!!!!

Hhhhhhheeeeeellllllpppppp me.

I also have the same question about bubbles.

-waiting in willowville





Dear waiting,
whats with the bubbles?
-mitzy

I'm changing that.

on the  bottom of your blog it says  "2010"  its 2011 why haven't you changed it 

           love,

 Luke sheldon mayor of Luketown lake

Dear Luke shel.. whatever,

because i like 2010 better! Yeah, that's why. Maybe.

-Mitzy

Hibernation Awakened! (it rhymes, ok!)

zzzz......
(smack).............
knife............
facelift.........
stab............
wound.........
burn alive......

kill...........

ritual dance.......

ice cream.....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

yawn...........

Mitzy has awakened from her spring hibernation! I'm now back on, and if there has been anything I missed, it will be answered now. Now here is a picture that came up on my "Zemanta Assistant" Media Gallery.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Glasses

I narrowly avoided getting glasses today. Also, Ihave a question about bubbles.

Jugblin in Northern Norway 

Hello Jublin,

Good for you about the glasses. By the way, do you mean the kind on your head or the ones you drink from? What about the bubbles???

-Mitzy

Are You Drunk?

Me is tito. Yu bee Mitzsyyy. Wy be GEorgege Busdh idjgit?)

Dear Anonymous,

Yes, I'm am Mitzy and you are... Tito? I think you asked why George Bush is an idjgit. I didn't know what idjit meant so I looked it up. It means A person with an intellectual barrier blocking them from obtaining average intelligence. So, I guess, to a certain extent.

-Mitzy

I'm Not Good With Big Words :(

Do you share my opinion that hoarding money gives one long-term unsatisfaction and depression?

Des mois guy in Des Mois, Iowa 

Dear Des Mois Guy,

ehhhh... sure.

-Mitzy

The Pen is Dead

What happens if you put a pen into a really high powered pencil sharpener that's electric

Dave guy in Goron

Dear Dave guy,

I haven't tried it, but (i think) it will blow up! Yay! Blowing up stuff is fun!

-Mitzy

Yay!!!

Mitzy has reached 100 posts! Comment on why the number 100 is awesome!!!
-Mitzy

Yay!!! There Isn't Timeo On My Hands!

I sent you a question and you answered it a few hours later. You must have a lot of free timeo n your hands.

Hal 8999 in Oregon, de Portland.

Dear Hal 8999,

Yes, I do answer questions quickly. But I don't know what timeo is, whatever it is, it's not on my hands.

-Mitzy

You Want Feedbacks?

Hi there blogger!

Just visited your "MitzyCares" blog and I was super impressed by its design and content. We started our site Lookville.com not too long ago. It's a place for people to have discussions, share tips, and ask questions about fashion. It's been going great so far and I would love to have you on it! check it out if you're interested:

And we would love to hear your feedbacks.

Ciao!
- Miranda B.

Dear Miranda B.,

I'm glad you're "super impressed" with my blog, but I really don't care about lookville.com. By the way, you will not be hearing my "feedbacks" anytime soon.

-Mitzy

PS- you're email was in my junk inbox

Zephyrs???

How many roads must a man walk down before we can call him a man?


Dear Anonymous,
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.
-Mitzy

More Than I Can Count...

How many different people have written to you, thousnds, hundreds, 5?  

Name not shown

Dear Name not shown,

ehhh... a lot?
-Mitzy

So Many Questions...

Oh no! I have influenza type B and strep throat. Also, I have a question about bubbles.

Anitionalkidrahems in  London, the country that london  is in

Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry about your influenza type B and strep throat. There is no question about bubbles here. I don't know whatever a anitio... oh whatever, is. What about London?

So, from that I got that you were sick, you are curious about bubbles. Also, I looked up Anitionalkidrahems and there are no Google matches, not one. And you are in England.

-Mitzy

Good for you.

I don't think pens are high quality enough.


Dear Anonymous,
Ok... and you question is?

I Didn't See The Movie

I saw the  Sorcerers Apprentice a few weeks ago, and I didn't get it. Who was that Buckey kid? Why did he make things explode? Why was Buckey's blond friend fond of a song auto-tuned to an inhuman capacity. What did you you think?

Guy in Des Moine, Iowa 

Dear Guy,

I have no clue what you are talking about.

-Mitzy

I Had To Look This One Up...

How many milliseconds are in an hour?'


Dear Anonymous,
There are 3.6 million milliseconds in an hour. (according to google calculators)
-Mitzy

The Art of Giving a Dog a Hot Dog covered in Anti-Freeze

Sorry if your questions from this week aren't answered Mitzy and her associates are going to a convention called "The Art of Giving a Dog a Hot Dog covered in Anti-Freeze" in DC. We will be back on Saturday.
-Mitzy

Hehe...

Is it true you are possessed by the dark and powerful egyptian goddess Mitzaous?


Dear Anonymous,
Only on the weekends.
-Mitzy (aka Mitzaous)

Soggy Marajuana...

Hello I would like you to help me get drugnked out, a mixture of drunk and drugged out. Do you know were I could purchase an item to help me get Drugnked Out?


Dear Anonymous,
Hmm... that's a new one. I don't no, maybe you could get some dope dip it in alcohol and smoke it. (could be flammable) Seems like a good idea to me!
-Mitzy

I Hate This Squirrel.

The evil squirrel in NYC is back, and he likes tie-dye. Again, if anyone sees a squirrel with a bazooka in a tie-dye t-shirt contact the authorities immediately.

If it helps here is his mugshot. (sans bazooka and tie-dye apparel)

-Mitzy

I Once Had A Slave...

What should I do if there is some over-sized pothead that hangs out in front off  my locker every 6th period right before Algebra when I need my books the most

Scared in new hampshire

Dear Scared,

Well what shouldn't you do? Potheads can be fun to mess around with. Next time, ask him to bring you you're books and be your own, personal slave. Good luck!

-Mitzy

Friendly Wolves!

I'm cold and there are wolves after me


Dear Cold,
The best thing to do would be to try to make friends with them. try shaking their paw and see their reaction. If that doesn't work out, you are too late.
-Mitzy

Blah, Blah, Blah.

I have a worm. He is green. he has an eye. It is yellow. He has 4 hairs. He has commented on Melanie doesn't care. He says eeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeee  eee e eee   eee e  e eee  eseee ee e e e e h  e ee e e. He Bounces.


Dear Anonymous,
I don't care.
-Mitzy

My Ninjas Will Hunt You Down.

Dear Mitzy,

I have written to you many times and you haven't responded. What gives you freaking jerk?

Dear Anonymous,

I don't like being called bad names. There will be my personal army of ninjas at your front door in less than 24 hours.

Mitzy

Sticks are Fun!

Dear Mitzy,

Your counter-part melanie is repeatedly ignoring my annoying comments about my worm. what should I do? 

Dear Anonymous, 
Poke her with a stick.

Spanish is Old. Seychellois Creole is the New Fad!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the spanish alphabet has changed    

nyay  waco, TX

Dear nyay,

What is the point of knowing spanish? I find knowing Seychellois Creole (look it up.) more useful to know.
-Mitzy

I Like Dogs.

Wazzup M

Wares yo fav spot to chillax? 





Dear Anonymous,
Chihuahua, Mexico. The dog is cool and I get cheap drugs... and some illegal weapons. :)

"Vacationing"

Sorry! I'm back. I was a convicted felon on the run... wait ehhh I mean I was vacationing in Hawaii. Anyway, I'm back!

Capture the Flag!

Yay!!!

I have some stuff that I don't want, do you want it?

Dear ____,

Sure. Only if it includes lethal weapons!!!

Mitzy

I'm Just a Bit Short...

Dear Mitzy I know you did that action with that object to that person. I know the reason you did it, so give me $5009.87 or else I will tell the law enforcement.


Dear anonymous,
I know what you're talking about... very specific. I would give you the money but I only have saved up $5009.86 for this type of occasion. Sorry!
-Mitzy

She's is Trying to Ruin you Life!

My principle just gave me a long talk about not doing drugs. I think she's on something. What should I do?

Dear Anonymous,

Are you really going to listen to your principal? It sounds like she is trying to ruin your life, somehow. Drugs dull your senses and make you feel good. Why would you give up that? Sure, it's illegal and "harmful" for your health, but it is worth it. Don't you think?

-Mitzy

Pot!

Goldfish Ice Cream?

My cat eats my goldfish crackers and puts out a fowl odor. What should I do? Should i feed him real goldfish?
-Anonymous


Dear Anonymous, 
Since the cat is producing odors, maybe you should  take him to go get ice cream. Yeah, I don't know why. It's just right now I'm craving ice cream. So bring me some too!!!
-Mitzy

Do You Have Crazy Cat Restraining Neighbors?

Help Mitzy!!!
My cat has been stalking my neighbors. It wasn't a problem until they filed a restraining order... on my cat.
What should I do?
-Cat Crazy in CT

Dear Cat Crazy,
You might want to try sitting down and talking with your neighbor about your feelings and your cat's feelings or, you could do it the Mitzy way. The Mitzy way involves wrapping your neighbors house in toilet paper, humiliating him/her on a social networking site (Facebook, Twitter, MySpace) or on a blog. Then, you file a restraining order on THEM... (First find a good reason)
-Mitzy

Ahhh.... Help!!!!

MESSAGE TO MITZY VIEWERS
**************************************************************************

Help! The squirrel with the bazooka has taken over my blog for using his photo!!!! He is randomly changing my backgrounds and he has held me hostage! If you see a squirrel with a weapon running around Times Square, contact the authorities immediately!
-Mitzy

 +  = TROUBLE

Just a Few Requirements...

give me paperclips!




Dear _____,
Did you know that we are now selling paperclips in the MitzyStore? Check it out! Plus, if you buy one today, you get another FREE!
-Mitzy